How To Help Those Who Have Been Abused By Poor Teaching Within Evangelical Churches

I recently responded to the above article published within the New York Times, written by a woman whose experience within so-called Evangelical Churches has understandably left her to conclude that it is such churches which either turn a blind eye to abuse, or actually promote the conditions which perpetrate emotional abuse, and even worse.  It was heartbreaking to read the pain this woman endured, so I felt compelled to address not only her experience, but the issues underlying her experience. The following is what I shared...

Sadly, this is the experience of far too many women in churches. It simply speaks to the failure of men to act Biblically, to step up to serve as a protective shield for women being abused. It is the men who are called to step up, to protect, to discern, and to ferret out snakes (Psa. 101:8). As a Christian father, I should be the one my daughter feels safest with to disclose any type of abuse happening in her life.

Unfortunately, though I do believe the author is confused about what a genuine understanding of "Patriarchy" is, what the truth is behind Biblical roles (it is far different from what she has experienced), and lacks a clear understanding of how gender differences are designed by God as a unique evidence of His creativity and our need for one another in marriage to show forth the complete portrait of His characteristics, it is important to understand how deeply she and others have been wounded by frauds and snakes dressed up as pastors and elders, by having to sit under very warped theology and practice.

Simply put, this woman's dad failed miserably in that most important of God-given roles and responsibilities... to protect the oppressed, and be a shield against evil. As a result of his failure, he allowed his daughter to endure pain which God would never have wanted her to endure. Even a minimal understanding of the nature of infidelity should have been enough to have this father rescue his daughter from her adulterous unfaithful snake-in sheep's clothing "husband." Instead, this "father" turned a religious deaf ear and blind eye to the unbiblical conditions to which his daughter was being subjected. That is not what a real father, worthy of honor, does to a daughter. No, this dad was neither acting as a Christian, nor was he honorable. In fact, he failed in his role as a father, abandoned his daughter, and was simply emotionally toxic.

Yes, there is Biblical truth about marriage, and about the roles designed by God within the marriage relationship. And, these roles, when correctly understood, form the basis for a true home... one which is characterized by love, support, protection, and laughter. The proper Biblical leadership exhibited by a genuine Christian man will be one of servant-leadership, where he sets the pace and the example by being the most giving, the most sacrificial, the most generous, the most enthusiastic, the most optimistic, the most patient, the quickest to forgive, the most thoughtful, the most mindful, the most self-controlled, and the most encouraging of all family members.

It is only by understanding the proper roles within the home can we each take stock of how we are doing in terms of fulfilling our high calling of husband and wife, of parents and children. But, this so-called brand of Christianity as described by this daughter is not genuine Christianity, but a very dangerous, deceptively toxic, Pharisaical, and cult-like version of Christianity, very similar to the false form of Judaism that Jesus confronted during His ministry.

A proper understanding of the role of a man is essential for a man to assess how he is doing in his God-ordained leadership within the home. He needs to understand that he will be held accountable for his actions to a greater extent than everyone else in the home, in much the same way as there is a greater degree of responsibility placed upon the captain of a ship. After all, it is the captain who goes down with the ship, while women and children get in the life boats first. That is protective and sacrificial chivalry, and that comes from the Heavenly Father's heart. There is never to be a situation where a wife or family is to feel abused, traumatized, or fearful in their own home. God gave men the responsibility of being leaders. It is time they act like it, and become just as protective against oppressors and snakes as Jesus was throughout his ministry.

If a woman finds herself in a church in which the leadership is not serious about discerning & ferreting out the snakes, perpetrators, abusers, and predators (it will become clear, as there will be the correct message of the sanctity of marriage, along with the clear message that no true marriage includes abuse), she needs to give serious thought to leaving such a cult-like church, to find a genuinely Biblical church. Find a genuine Church that is faithful to God's Word, and demonstrates that by how they ensure that everyone within the church feels protected, and can disclose unhealthy or harmful secrets in order to find protection and a safe haven of rest.