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How To Help Those Who Have Been Abused By Poor Teaching Within Evangelical Churches

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I recently responded to the above  article published within the New York Times, written by a woman whose experience within so-called Evangelical Churches has understandably left her to conclude that it is such churches which either turn a blind eye to abuse, or actually promote the conditions which perpetrate emotional abuse, and even worse.  It was heartbreaking to read the pain this woman endured, so I felt compelled to address not only her experience, but the issues underlying her experience. The following is what I shared... Sadly, this is the experience of far too many women in churches. It simply speaks to the failure of men to act Biblically, to step up to serve as a protective shield for women being abused. It is the men who are called to step up, to protect, to discern, and to ferret out snakes (Psa. 101:8). As a Christian father, I should be the one my daughter feels safest with to disclose any type of abuse happening in her life. Unfortunately, though I do believe th
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Ritualistic Sexual Abuse Shatters a Person at the Deepest Levels (pt. 1)

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An Overview: The biggest challenge for the survivor of R itualistic Sexual Abuse  is that they have experienced a profound shattering of their inner world. The level and degree of this type of perpetration is hard to comprehend for the average person, as it is incomprehensible that someone who sadistically harm a child in such a manner, and is inconceivable that a person could perpetrate such evil and inflict such trauma and terror into the heart of a child. This kind of abuse ( always involving rape, while other malicious things are done at the same time ) is perpetrated repeatedly, over a prolonged period of time ( usually years ), with a perpetrator who not only has consistent access to the victim, but also a deviant, sadistic and malevolent personality, who does unspeakably horrible things to the victim without any remorse or empathy, and who threatens the victim with serious harm and/or harm to a loved one should the victim try to resist. The rape victim is too youn
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What do I do? I feel so stuck. I know he says those mean things, but I know how much he was wounded growing up. Help!

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I was recently asked that question by a good, sincere young woman, who found herself feeling stuck, intensely frustrated, discouraged, and fighting waves of depression over the back-and-forth, hot-and-cold, on-again/off-again behavior of her boyfriend, who would say very hurtful things her, then act like it was "water under the bridge" after he calmed down or had a few drinks. My answer to her was: A:  That is something that confuses a lot of people, and therefore keeps them stuck. Simply put, we are not responsible for what we were given (or what was done to us), but we are responsible for what we do with it. So, it is tempting to buy the line that selfish people count on that says, "Hurt-people (wounded) hurt people." While, yes, we all can be reactive at times, and even have a bad day. However, that is far different from a lifetime of acting that way toward others, stemming from cultivating and nursing a disposition that permits the emotional spewing
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Can someone become a sociopath after the age of 14?

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I was recently asked this question, no doubt by someone trying to figure out the extent to which selfish people can be held accountable for the way they use and manipulate others. The question is an important one, as we are surrounded by selfish people, some more profoundly selfish than others. And, likely, the person was also wrestling with the question about how people become sociopaths. I responded as follows: A: Having spent 11+ yrs working on the psychology staff of a state prison, here are some of my clinical observations and conclusions. 1. Sociopathy is not induced by trauma or any organic-related issues. Though some sociopaths may have experienced trauma, and some may have organic issues (e.g. genuine cases of ADHD), that is not the reason why someone becomes adept at taking advantage of someone with little compunction. 2. Sociopathy is not the result of genetic make-up or predisposition. Though we call enduring maladaptive personality traits “Pe
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