Help for the journey

I was recently asked this question, no doubt by someone trying to figure out the extent to which selfish people can be held accountable for the way they use and manipulate others. The question is an important one, as we are surrounded by selfish people, some more profoundly selfish than others. And, likely, the person was also wrestling with the question about how people become sociopaths. I responded as follows: A: Having spent 11+ yrs working on the psychology staff of a state prison, here are some of my clinical observations and conclusions. 1. Sociopathy is not induced by trauma or any organic-related issues. Though some sociopaths may have experienced trauma, and some may have organic issues (e.g. genuine cases of ADHD), that is not the reason why someone becomes adept at taking advantage of someone with little compunction. 2. Sociopathy is not the result of genetic make-up or predisposition. Though we call enduring maladaptive personality traits “Pe

A question was recently submitted, no doubt stemming from the ultimate dilemma faced by those with the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. It has to do with how to risk changing the way one communicates, when your greatest fear is being hurt, taken advantage of, or abandoned by another person. The question, and my reply were as follows: Q:    I have BPD and find it easier to stand up for myself if I am feeling angry and aggressive. When I try to be assertive, I feel very weak and afraid. Does anyone else experience this as well? A:   You described the challenge of trying to change from what feels normal and is familiar, to what is new, in terms of how you are trying to communicate. I would say that if it feels like you are being weak, then you are very normal, as you are transitioning to an art, as opposed to a black-or-white, take-it-or-leave it type of approach. The good news is, with enough practice, you will get better. A couple of suggestions